The Turkey Baster Conspiracy Page

Guess who’s taping this while butt naked?

****The purple font is my edits/responses to CC

 

Chris: Hey Steve, show me your tits.

Steve: No.

Chris: Come on. How about just one. Please.

Steve: Fine.

Steve: The next cooking episode I’m going to teach my fans to make home made turkey gravy. Turkey ala Steve.

Chris: I’ve gotta turkey neck you can gobble, it comes with a side of giblets.

 

CC has made it clear that the 20 min long cooking video is a work of art

and the people need to see it.

It’s a factitude. That’s how it happened. Verbatim. Believe me, I wasn’t there, but I know.

How do I know then it really happened that way? Simple.

It came up in one of my rambling, off the rail, wild tangents reaching from Pluto and back convos

(Side note) Pluto is a Planet. Fuck Saturn and her rings.

 

with my FabuLoud (no that is not a typo) partner in crime, the perfect side piece….

CC “Bring Em Back Undead” SixGun.

She’s the person you want having your back when it’s against the wall.

And believe me she knows things. ;-9

Anyways I digress, as usual. Back to the facts. Just the facts ma’am.

Wearing the tattered scarf I tied Steve up in last night? check.

Scarf covered in Steve’s home made turkey gravy? check.

Turkey ala Steve is very filling. Quite a mouthful.

Scarf covers up the man hickies Steve gave me? check.

He sure is good with his hands and mouth.

***Latest breaking news update from CC***

ok yeah, upon further investiGAYtion,

steve totally does the douchey, tiny scarf thing XD

{Placeholder for pics of Steve in his tiny douchey scarf}

 

 

100% Kane

CC, I honestly saved this screen cap as “reddirtycountry”!

 

CC: this video is A+ cuz it’s got hobo!chris and his amazing hair.

Agreed, it was everything you promised and more!

There’s a movement out hear that’s called “the red dirt.”

That red dirt, it stains your soul,

it stains your underwear when you go jumping in the lake.

I fished all over this lake.

Enunciate you sexy cowboy, at first I thought you said

“I fisted all over this lake”.

*Screeching halt, rewind*

 

So Kane is basically saying that his home town is the best in the world

and everywhere else sucks. 

My imagination is my best friend.

(guess who nickname for their penis used to be Optimus Prime?)

 

You make your friends up.

You have to be able to jump into the character.

Sunday nights I was at the movies myself.

The Wind (is called Mariah)

There’s something that blows through here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8e9F8PV-m4

I wanted to be an actor, bartender, a fighter pilot, a musician, a serial killer, a navy seal.

A couple of those things got close. (should we be scared?)

 

You have  to be honest blatantly honest and tell the truth in country music.

And I have it on CC’s good authority that

the look of love is often wafting through the air.

 

Christian “This is a Wig” Kane and Steve “Turkey Tits” Carlson

(that is what I labeled the Carlson cooking jpg when I sent it to CC)

CC’s response: I’m still laughing at steve turkey tits XD

definitely have a special relationship that has gone through it’s ups and downs through the years, like all relationships do.

CC just lurvs the way I show my fondness for those two hapless fools.

They remind us of another fabulously friendly, eye fucking duo that we know and love with a passion bordering on straight jacket material.

     

Me:  They won’t notice the straight jacket under this flannel will they? I’ll just tell em I got a boob job.

CC: No, you’ll fit in perfectly with all the other loonies if you go to the Supernatural 12 Step Convention for those who have no intention of quitting on those two dumb fucks.

Me: Hey now, that sure is the pot calling the bong green.

Anywhoo me n CC are definitely co-captaining the same ship

when it comes to Christian “This is a Wig” Kane and Steve “Turkey Tits” Carlson

and Jensen “Jenny Thunder” Ackles

 

and Jared “Y’all” Padalecki.

So seeing as this kinda thing is really in our wheel house.

Don’t worry, me and CC “Bring Em Back Undead” SixGun are on the case.

The plot thickens just like Steve’s Turkey Gravy

(fair warning, that is probably the first of many awkward beard alerts)

and Chris’ hair

when he doesn’t flat iron it. 

Don’t get us started on the travesty of Jared dying his hair

and always letting those stupid people give him a blow out.

Or that Jensen thinks he had the right to make the decision to have Lasik.

As if he has the last say over his own body!

 

Don’t worry, don’t be sad. This is just the beginning.

Actually it’s the middle and I have a lot to catch up on to be up to speed

on this “love story for the ages”.

And that my friends is where CC comes in.

She will be my tour guide, my fountain of knowledge, my ghost writer. Let the fun begin.

It’s hard to know where to start now that I know more about this “Karlson Shit” Luckily for me,

CC is perfection personified and just sent me this. This “Karlson Shit” literally writes itself.

 

****The purple font is my edits/responses to CC

Email #1 Received March 29th, 2014.

This is a bunch of what we talked about, ya know for posterity sake

and the ackles epic page and for science!

so when chris put out his first cd it wasn’t called kane b/c kane was him and steve and the other members of their band, but largely it had always been them so chris changed it to christian kane and to my knowledge steve isn’t anywhere on the cd so i think they decided that they wanted to have separate music careers.

steve: march, 14th austin texas chris: march, 26th austin, texas steve leaves texas the 18th chris is around albuquerque, new mexico on the 18th, new mexico is right next to texas.

ok, here’s something i hadn’t thought of in my anger, what if everything that happened was all fake, what if the heat of the bright lights was getting too hot so they arranged this thing where it looked like they split up and everything went to shit, but it actually didn’t and although they both have their own separate careers now they still find time to skype and call and text/sext each other and they’re still in love and that is the theory that warms my heart and doesn’t make me pissed at steve for breaking chris’s heart b/c the theory that they’re broken up just makes zero sense and hurts my brain when i think about it.

chris, what the fuck is this pic? what is your hair? and what is that thing around your neck? srsly side eyein’ you boy

http://kanenation.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/1897840_598362500250491_697776221_n.jpg

omg! she’s foreign! new headcanon, steve got a russian mail order bride (russian male order whore)! who doesn’t know who coldplay is!

*dying* he took her with him to festival thing which is what i was expecting to have happened when he touring. he chose to tweeted his engagement right after marriage equality was announced in CA so that’s something that makes you go hhmmm…? 

steve’s bicep coordinates 34 26 N 119 14 W  Ojai, CA black mountain fire road=their brokeback?

Email #2 Received March 29th, 2014.

http://andreademill.tumblr.com/post/56365308040/jensen-and-danneel-at-steve-lana-carlson-wedding

unless chris is the photographer which we know he wasn’t

then he is nowhere to be found in that group pic.

like, there’s jason southard who was part of Kane for awhile and there’s danneel’s brother, sebastian roche, riley smith, mikey roe, who is the ginger bearded guy who also apparently ordained them and it says that the wedding took place at jensen’s new house in malibu, more like mansion jesus fuck. steve’s parents were there and obviously jensen and danneel since it was his house and danneel…looks like a house mom….like just stop and look at her for a sec, cuz what the actual fuck is she even wearing? it looks like she’s wearing a muumuu over a festive tablecloth, like could she drape herself in more fabric? (I think Chris and Jared are hiding under Daneel’s skirt like Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid)

 

and uh, how to say this delicately, she doesn’t look like the baby weight has come off yet, which is a good argument for yes, she did deliver a baby from her vag. also, unless everyone changed, it appears the wedding was casual/formal dress and it was at jensen’s Barbie mansion with one of their friends as the minister so maybe not a whole of time to plan? maybe a shot gun wedding? idk where the fuck jared (under Daneel’s dress, hiding from his “wife”)

Listen,

we already knew Gen lemon sucker can’t act her way out of paper bag.

However, if you can’t even do a good job acting like you are in love with J.P. then you have a serious case of dead vagina. 

I’ll admit Danneel is a better actor than Genenfifieive, but that ain’t saying much.

Yet Daneel can do no better when it comes to showing her love for her man.

Every couple has to have a stupid joint name right?

To me Danneel and Jensen’s is Djennsen cuz Danneel paying

some Djinn to molest Jensen is just about as likely

as the story those two wing nuts have been pushing for years.

And don’t get me started on Dame Padalecki

and her Giant Paycheck husband Jared

who is made of peasant stock

but luckily she loves him for he is a steady paycheck good man

and risked getting disowned by hoity toity (but relatively broke) parents

who taught their daughter to live beyond her means.

Damn it I derailed the train again and drove CC’s play by play right off a cliff.

and uh, how to say this delicately, she doesn’t look like the baby weight has come off yet, which is a good argument for yes, she did deliver a baby from her vag. also, unless everyone changed, it appears the wedding was casual/formal dress and it was at jensen’s Barbie mansion with one of their friends as the minister so maybe not a whole of time to plan? maybe a shot gun wedding? idk where the fuck jared and genniferieve were, but everyone except for chris was there so yeah, odd in the extreme.

 

ugh, gag me

As if we all haven’t noticed that Jensen and Jared have more chemistry 

with each other then anyone else in the Universe including their wives

cuz suddenly Jensen and Jared turn into Wooden Toy Soldiers when 

they are around Danneel and Genniffeffervie. That’s right you two

ridiculously adorable dumb fucks even glow sometimes when you 

are together. So unless one of you have swallowed a bunch

of lightning bugs and shared them with the other by sticking your tongue

down their throat…the writing is not only on the wall but 

also all over your expressive faces.

https://www.facebook.com/22512657391/posts/10152246729297392

there’s a video too, beware, uggh, gross

and soooo completely cliche,

like steve, put the romance novels and romcoms down, just step away

and put them down forever

and quit borrowing all the most cliched plot points and the written interview is the most nauseating thing. http://www.bonchicblog.com/v-day-stories/?story=1

ok, so that makes sense,

she’s using him for a green card and he’s using her to remain under the radar.

Yes I think I’ve seen that movie.

but that is also suspicious timing cuz he met and married her pretty fast so that explains why it came out of nowhere.

http://www.hautestreet.com/lana-jolie/

http://instagram.com/lanajolieart

So apparently Steve met the invisible girl in Paris.

They only had eyes for each other an he kissed her in the rain.

And I know it was more like the first pic than the 2nd pic.

Apparently she fell in love with his soul.

 

They made treasured memories.
Even wrote a beautiful song together on the ukulele while camping in Hawaii under the stars.

Just like Tiny Tim and Miss Vicki.

Oh you didn’t know that Tiny Tim’s music

had a big influence on Steve growing up?

Uncanny resemblance don’t you think?

The best kept secret that’s out the open is that

Tiny Tim is one of Chris’ heroes as well.

 

Tiny Tim, Chris and Steve look like unwashed hobos

who smell of old turkey gizz.

Karlson’s amazing chemistry is beautiful to behold.

According to CC: If his soul was tenting his pants, then yes she fell in love with soul.

****Stay tuned for updates****